I’m flying to the country’s midsection tomorrow, and I’ll be doing it without a bottled water or a Diet Pepsi. Those who have been cursed to fly with me in recent years know that I have an anxious routine prior to flying that involves purchasing water, soda, a sweet snack and a salty snack. $10 (minimum) worth of airport vendor junk food is what I need to get me through a flight. These snacks help me cope with the claustrophobia I feel as I’m trapped on a cramped airplane for a few hours. These snacks afford me a modicum of freedom, allowing me to eat and drink when I choose rather than waiting for the flight attendant to arrive at my aisle.
But now radical terrorist fascists have denied me my water and soda, leaving me only with an air travel diet of thirst-causing dry snacks. Perhaps I can somehow hide soda in my shoe – oh wait, the actions of that shoe-bomber nut now mean that my shoes will be inspected. Argh! What’s an anxious, claustrophobic, airplane-traveling guy to do?
I just home the air vent works. There’s nothing worse than being on the airplane without any air . . .